October 2, 2012

How to climb a brick wall

Rarely do I turn on my TV and watch news. I do however, turn on the TV to watch ungodly trash reality TV.   Rather, I log onto Yahoo! and spare a few minutes a day catching up on the latest world tragedies, bizarre human vignette stories and heart wrenching amazing animal rescue stories.  Often I peruse the site for international, national and local news within a span of 10 minutes and get my fill of worldly factoids which then hold me over during boring client business dinners so that I come across more in tune with my earthly surroundings and not sound like some nob who prefers to watch the Real Housewives series. 

Today's topics on my Yahoo! scroll bar had me re-reading the catchy headlines.  I had to ensure I wasn't all of the sudden becoming dyslexic or suddenly going completely insane and needing to check myself for the nearest straight jacket.

Back to the news topics which caught my attention:

1.  How to climb a brick wall.
2.  How to defeat goats.

Think about those for a few minutes.

Ready to discuss these titillating (for some reason I love that word simply because it says tit, hee hee) news topics further?

How to climb a brick wall?  Really?  Because I am a 10-year old boy who's just lost a bet with a playground classmate and have been summoned to climb the side of the school's wall.  Or is it to inform me of tactics that soldiers go through during boot camp?  Because I'm not enlisting any time soon and rarely do I hang out at elementary school playgrounds any more.

Now, let's move on to how to defeat goats.  This one just had my panties in a wad worse than when Kris Jenner get's her's so far up her ass when being accused of being the mastermind behind Kim's strategic nuptials to that no-name b-ball playa to ensure continued Kardashian prime time exposure.  Whatever.  Can we get back to goats?  Rarely do I find myself on a farm wondering how the eff I am going to Chuck Norris my way out the path of a dodging goat.  And rarely do I find myself at the petting zoo wondering how to fend off Billy Goat's gross beard.  Nor do I climb mountains where goats might go all psycho like that time Ann Hetch lost her marbles and thought she was some celestial other-world phenom, or like when she decided she was gay for about 10 minutes.  Moving on...

Needless, Yahoo! News believed these to be of the utmost news-worthy snip-it for my demographic.  Apparently, if I get into a jam, these articles may help save my life. 

Come on Yahoo!  Let's find better topics, shall we?

1 comment:

  1. I never watch the news either. EVER. I read SF Gate online sometimes and/or NY Times or CNN, but not even every day. That said, I CANNOT WAIT for the debate tonight. LOVE them!!!