On animated bears and dingle berries

I purposely don't buy CHARMIN toilet paper products. 
 
Why, you ask?  

Because who wants to support a brand that promotes red and blue animated bears dancing around in the wilderness telling us about their toilet paper dingle berries?
 

I don't need to witness momma bear helping her cubby wipe the extraneous toilet paper dingles from his arse during my mid-section commercial break of the The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  I'm sure those fine, astute ladies would never ever, ever use CHARMIN either.  I bet they use Angel Soft.   Then again, I bet those ladies probably have hired help to ensure that they don't leave the powder room with excess toilet paper dingle-o's.

To add fuel to the fire, the mighty brilliant marketing folks over at CHARMIN added a section to their website called MEET THE BEARS.  As if, I need to personally connect with each bear and better understand his personality.  Because, if I better know the bears, I'll have a better experience on the john?  Because, those bears are going to help me get through a tough bout of IBS?  

Since when did bears use toilet paper?
Since when did bears worry about left over dingle berries?
In real life, if a bear shits in the woods and no one is around to hear  . . . .

I've been working in the ad field long enough to have to color the gray out of my hair and I'll never resort to CHARMIN.

Neither should you.  Stick with Angel Soft.

I'm AmericanBridget and blogger spell check corrected my spelling of dingle berries.  Wow, that's progress in terms of popular vernacular programming.