Match.com sponsored the latest episodic article entailed, 5 Reasons He Didn’t Call You Back. I’m a sucker for any advice on dating, romance and relationships. Especially when it comes from the experts at Match.com [insert cynicism here].
I fancy myself as a well-educated and at times an intellect. I read the article. And then I read it again. Trying to make sense of it and how it related to me.
The 5 Reasons
Their Reason #1: You talk, but don’t listen.
[My Response] I usually end up having to talk a boy off a ledge. I constantly get texts or emails from boys stating, “hey, thanks for letting me vent”. I’ve been told I’ve got great ears. And a nice ass too.
Their Reason #2: You use conversation as therapy.
[My Response] I’m not a huge fan of talking on the phone. I’d rather meet up over a bottle of wine or grab a beer at the nearest drinking hole. And not to mention, I don’t carry an oversized suitcase full of baggage that alludes to multiple therapy sessions. And if I did, I’d hit up a psychologist and pay $100/hr to get a doctorate’s perspective not some boy I met on match.com to give me a life’s worth of advice. Let’s be honest, we’re on Match.com because we haven’t been successful in our past relationships. Why would I go into detail about those and use my past stories as therapy sessions?
Their Reason #3: You’re a little too enthusiastic about him
[My Response] Nope. My mom always told me to let the boys chase after you. Unfortunately for me, the line-up of men at my door never happened like I thought it would. Well, I do have men knocking on my door, but I don’t count the Fed Ex Guy, The Pizza Delivery Man and the little dude hanging flyers for tree trimming and handy work for the house as potential romantic interests.
Their Reason #4: Your idea of chit-chat is politics, religion and other heavy topics
[My Response] I live in Texas. I’m a raging liberal. The people in this state still wish Bush W. was in office. Let’s be honest, unless I want to scare a potential suitor, I leave politics out of our first few discussions. Not to mention, Texas is home to those creepy mega churches with even creepier pastors talking in weird southern dialects trying to be Jimmy Baker-like all over again. No thanks.
Their Reason #5: You’re not relating to him — you’re testing him
[My Response] I don’t play games. EVER. I’ve been played like a violin a few times, and I’m too old to get into the psyche of winning games with some 6’5” ex-football player type who’s too stupid to even know if I was playing games in the first place.
So, I’m thinking about writing Match.com and asking them to start over and provide another 5 reasons as to why some boys occasionally don’t ring me back. Obviously, they're the experts, right? [insert MORE cynicism here].
I'm AmericanBridget and given my success rate on match.com I should be asking for a refund.