Around this old house today

I won't complain about the weather.
I won't complain about the weather.
I won't complain about the fact that I can't get out of my driveway.
I won't complain about the weather.
I won't complain about the arctic temperatures.
I won't complain about the ice rink-covered streets.
Neither will The Beagles.  
They are as warm as two pigs in a blanket.  Actually, they are two pigs in a blanket.

We've been experiencing cabin fever for three days.  We live in freaking Dallas.  August temperatures ignite thermometers to 100+ degrees.

Apparently weather.com had a hard time identifying the high temperatures in my zip code on Wednesday.  How can the high be N/A?  How much longer do I have to listen to my faucets drip in efforts to ward off freezing pipes?  Now I know what prisoners torture treatment feels like.

Thank GAWD I don't like north of the Mason Dixon line.  Snow is only good when you're on a pre-planned trip to the Rocky Mountains to go spring skiing.  Snow is only good when you are in school and classes are closed and homework is postponed.  Snow is only good on either the 24th or 25th of December when a white Christmas is magical.  

I won't complain about the weather.  My friends who live in the Tundra (anything north of Oklahoma) are laughing their asses off at me.  I realize.  It's fine.


But, I did purchase fresh flowers earlier this week.  They're freezing their stems off too.  A reminder of the spring to come.  


Please come soon.

 I won't complain about the weather . . . .

30-something's bucket list: update

Remember my earlier posting last year?  I proclaimed to the internets to do these things before I turn 40.  Not so sure that was a smart move, but...

Why does this list seem way more accomplishable (word?) after 2 glasses of vino?

1.    Fit back into that stellar cocktail dress hanging in my closet.  (You know the one.  The one that’s been hanging there for 6 years because you dropped your entire net worth on it for that one special night and can’t bare to get rid of it).

2.    Make that trip to Costa Rica I’ve always wanted to do.

3.    Find that perfect slice of carrot cake (preferably heated and w/o nuts).

4.    Be a mom.  (Sans ideal man is fine too).

5.    Learn to do the Cha Cha and/or Rumba.

6.    Go camping without a tent and actually sleep under the stars.  (I loathe camping.  I mean really, really loathe camping.)

7.    Run 13.1 miles a 10K - consecutively.  (Let’s be real, 26.2 is just never gonna happen for me).

8.    Rescue another beagle.  CHECK.

9.    Purchase a pair of Jimmy Choo’s at full-price…just because I can.

10.    Rescue a chocolate lab.

11.    Paint a large canvass for my living room.

12.    Invest more into my IRA and ROTH IRA.

13.    Actually keep up with the stock market.

14.    Kiss a sexy Brazilian man…hot.  CHECK.

15.    Complete at least 50 Mensa problems.

16.    Purchase a fixer-upper home and actually fix it up.

17.    Attend a meditation retreat.

18.    Get published.

19.    Live off only one credit card.  CHECK.

20.    Try Botox.  Don't be a hater.

I'm AmericanBridget and  I officially have 5 and a half years left.  I better get a move on things. 

I broke up

The end has come.

I am no longer a registered seeker on Match.com.

Back in late November I opted to give it one last go-around.  Remember?  You all had my back.  

I appreciated the support.

I actually thought Match could not be any worse than eH. 

How wrong I was.

Match can suck it.  

After another 30+ days of being online, I received a total of 40 winks; none of them favorable in my opinion.  Can you believe I actually took the time to read some profiles?  I mean, really read the profiles and studied their likes before just blindly reaching out to potential suitors.  And gosh darnit, I even emailed some guys about how I was so appreciative they'd taken the time to draft such thought-provoking profiles.  None of them responded to me.  Not a single one.  Not even an auto-response stating, "Hey' so-and-so isn't that in to you, but keep on trying...", from any of them. 

I must be really uninteresting. 

I must look like Atilla the Hun.

I must have written some absolutely insane profile description of myself that included mentions of witches brew and stangling puppies.

I must have 3 eyes, boogers and crooked teeth in my profile pics.

I mean, who knew?

A few emails with folks creeped me out.  I'm not interested in going over to a guy's place to watch Raising Arizona and order Domino's.  I've seen that movie and while its funny, I'm beyond it.  I want intellectual stimulation.  I'd rather get to know someone via conversation than have to move a pile of clothes off some dude's Lazy Boy-esque sofa while he pops in a VHS tape of the movie.  Not to mention, I didn't want to pretend to ignore the stench coming out of the carpet while watching him stuff himself with cheesy puffs and Budweiser.  You can't talk during a movie.  And who wants to sit on a sofa with too much cat hair?  Not that this scenario ever happened, but when the offer came along, I politely declined because I imagined it would be just like that.

 Have I mentioned how single guys with cats give me the heebie geebies?  Shall I point out what's wrong with the above picture?  Is it the fact that he posted pictures of his cats as his lead profile pic or that the chair is disgustingly dirty ?  I can only imagine how bad that thing smells.  

Sick, man.  Just sick.

 This guy must really proud of something, but I'm not sure what.  

Either that or he forgot to button his shirt.

Nothing better than a guido in a button down shirt. Nothing.

As if I still wasn't convinced that he could be THE ONE.

Yep, still not interested in dating someone from the Jersey Shore.

Ohhhh, but wait.  I could always try and date a guy who thinks life is better as a Power Ranger.

Something tells me he spends way too much time watching re-runs of Star Trek.  Probably attends the annual conferences for Trekkies too.

So, there you have it my friends.

The best of the best of the best.

No love connections. 

I'll try dating the old fashioned way from now on.

Clothes purge

I want the old Ryan back.  I miss her.  Really, really miss her. 


The girl that used to be thin, long legged, brunette and could eat anything.  This 34-year old Ryan is fine, but I miss who I was years ago.  I miss being 24 and eating cheese fries and throwing back a few frozen ritas and being fine with it.  At 24, counting calories and reading ingredient labels was about as foreign as learning to speak Farsi. 


My closet officially misses the old Ryan too; the clothes that were constantly being worn and hung or thrown on the top shelf, the hangers holding all of my old suits, blouses, slacks, the weekend "going out for a night on the town" clothes that were so fun and carefree to wear miss being in my closet.   I used to be a clothes horse.  Clothes were extremely important to me.  I aged. Life got in my way.   So did my body.


I got home today and felt gross.  

I felt fat.  

I felt blah. 

I felt shameful.  

I'd let myself down.  

I was shopping last night with a friend, and I caught a glance at myself in a mirror in a department store.  I gasped.  The girl I saw in the mirror is not the same girl I thought I walked out of the house looking like.  My bathroom mirror at home is lying to me.  And my clothes, were they lying to me as well?


In December just weeks before Christmas, my Mom and I went shopping together.  My Ma turned around and was frank with me.

 "Ryan, you need to invest more in your clothes and find things that aren't so cheap looking."


"But,  Mom I work from home and have for the last 3 years.  I don't need the suits and the business apparel I once did.  Not to mention I'm in advertising and no one dresses up in this business any more."


"I think you'll feel better about yourself if you invested in some more expensive clothes."


Here's the dirty little secret.  It's not about working from home.  It's about not wanting to invest in nice clothes that will last more than 4 washes because you can't stand they way they look on you to begin with. 


Damn my Mother for being dead on. I do need better clothes.  Better clothes will make me feel more confident.  I'll stand a little straighter.  I'll smile a little longer.  That twinkle in my eye will appear more often.  I won't be sucking things in as much because I'll buy clothes that won't cut off my circulation.


My internal sage and dilemma torments me.  Why invest in clothes when I don't want to be the size I am?  I've a good answer, though.  It's called Project Ryan.  It's called stop blaming the medication I've been taking for the last 11 years that causes weight gain (but, it really, really does). 


This isn't a project to lose weight (well, fine it really is about that), but rather its a project to help me feel good about investing in new clothes.  Guilt free shopping.  A new image.  A new (or maybe the old) me.  A better Ryan.  Project Ryan.  That rolls off the tongue quite nice, eh?


And while my Mom's words were hard to swallow, they've marinated in my mind for over a month now.  The bitter sweetness of this all?   I'm old enough to be recognize that mom's really do know more.


So, I initiated Project Ryan this evening.  To start it off, I purged half (and yes, I mean half) of my closet.  

Clothes I don't want to ever wear again.  

Clothes that need to find new homes.  

Clothes that won't remind me of the current Ryan. 


5 bags full. 

Pre valentines love

I'm participating in my second blog swap!!!  You should join us.  It promises to be loads of fun.   And who doesn't like getting cute little packages in the mail?  Better yet, who doesn't love shopping for someone else?!!!

My first swap (hosted by Michela over at Dolce Vita), I was paired up with Nicole from Indigo Star Fairy and we had a blast.  Even better, we have a new found friendship.


This little Valentines Swap is being hosted by Sam, Neely and Courtney.  Check them out for further details, I promise you won't be disappointed.

Conversations around my house today

L:  Maddie (7), R: Tulip (11)

Maddie: timid, quiet, well behaved and the sweetest creature 'round these parts
Tulip:   naughty, comic relief, pretends to be deaf, rescue dog with a heart of love

As we wake and begin the day...

"Tulip, get out of bed. Come on, come on."

"TULIP, GET UP!!!  It's time to go outside and do your business".

"Maddie, good girl, let's go outside."

"TULIP!!!  GET OUT OF BED!!!!"



15 mins later...

"Tulip, get off the chair."

"TULIP, GET OFF THE CHAIR!!!!  YOU KNOW BETTER THAN TO JUMP ON FURNITURE."

"DO YOU WANT A SPANKING?"

"Maddie, it's ok, I'm not mad at you, I'm mad at Tulip."



10 mins later...


"Tulip, that's Maddie's breakfast, get away from her bowl."


"Maddie, its ok, I'm not mad at you."






Moments ago...


"Who just farted in their sleep?  I just let you nerds out."