January 31, 2011

I broke up

The end has come.
I am no longer a registered seeker on Match.com.
Back in late November I opted to give it one last go-around.  Remember?  You all had my back.  
I appreciated the support.
I actually thought Match could not be any worse than eH. 
How wrong I was.
Match can suck it.  

After another 30+ days of being online, I received a total of 40 winks; none of them favorable in my opinion.  Can you believe I actually took the time to read some profiles?  I mean, really read the profiles and studied their likes before just blindly reaching out to potential suitors.  And gosh darnit, I even emailed some guys about how I was so appreciative they'd taken the time to draft such thought-provoking profiles.  None of them responded to me.  Not a single one.  Not even an auto-response stating, "Hey' so-and-so isn't that in to you, but keep on trying...", from any of them. 

I must be really uninteresting. 
I must look like Atilla the Hun.
I must have written some absolutely insane profile description of myself that included mentions of witches brew and stangling puppies.
I must have 3 eyes, boogers and crooked teeth in my profile pics.
I mean, who knew?

A few emails with folks creeped me out.  I'm not interested in going over to a guy's place to watch Raising Arizona and order Domino's.  I've seen that movie and while its funny, I'm beyond it.  I want intellectual stimulation.  I'd rather get to know someone via conversation than have to move a pile of clothes off some dude's Lazy Boy-esque sofa while he pops in a VHS tape of the movie.  Not to mention, I didn't want to pretend to ignore the stench coming out of the carpet while watching him stuff himself with cheesy puffs and Budweiser.  You can't talk during a movie.  And who wants to sit on a sofa with too much cat hair?  Not that this scenario ever happened, but when the offer came along, I politely declined because I imagined it would be just like that.
 Have I mentioned how single guys with cats give me the heebie geebies?  Shall I point out what's wrong with the above picture?  Is it the fact that he posted pictures of his cats as his lead profile pic or that the chair is disgustingly dirty ?  I can only imagine how bad that thing smells.  
Sick, man.  Just sick.

 This guy must really proud of something, but I'm not sure what.  
Either that or he forgot to button his shirt.
Nothing better than a guido in a button down shirt. Nothing.

As if I still wasn't convinced that he could be THE ONE.
Yep, still not interested in dating someone from the Jersey Shore.

Ohhhh, but wait.  I could always try and date a guy who thinks life is better as a Power Ranger.
Something tells me he spends way too much time watching re-runs of Star Trek.  Probably attends the annual conferences for Trekkies too.

So, there you have it my friends.
The best of the best of the best.
No love connections. 
I'll try dating the old fashioned way from now on.


  1. Awwww . . . totally understandable, but I'm gonna miss the funny stories.

  2. Wow, there are some scary men out there!
    And I don't blame you. I did EH and it sucked.

  3. I broke up with online dating, too.

  4. I'm disappointed for you, I can't believe the slim pickings on that site. You tried...now moving on :)

  5. Ohh ya I did the break up with online dating too. Maybe I am jaded but seems most of the people on those sites are addicted to dating and really are just circling the drain.. but what the heck do I know..
    So glad I came across your blog.. You are awesome.

  6. I'm on the verge of breaking up. I just don't have the fight in me anymore.

    But my god, you found the most horrible people.

  7. I'm with Sarah - damn! I've found some pretty horrendous ones too. Damnit, should've kept the photos!! Maybe I'll do a recon mission just for some blog fodder :)

  8. The Power Ranger comment made me laugh out loud.