April 1, 2014

Wading through pudding

I’ve been dormant and uninterested in blogging over the last nine months.  The last three of those months have left me feeling as though I am wading through pudding and grasping for air.  

I'm not even sure why I chose to log in today and throw a post together.

I ended my relationship with the person I thought was the absolute love of my life.  Our time together was constantly thwarted.  We couldn't make things work as much as we both wanted to and our relationship was supposed to be locally-based ended up being more long-distance as time grew on.   I gave it everything I had and then some.  My pail of patience tipped over and ran away.   The dreams I had for the two of us were left at the doorstep and it left me heart broken and empty as if the air was sucked out of my sails.

Funny how life never ends up the way you imagined it.  I’m not giving up on those dreams quite yet. 

Right now I’m just trying to balance the delicate situation of a parent who is constantly hospitalized and the fear of feeling so alone.

Happiness is a choice and I am desperately trying to replenish my tank.  Each day I try and find some time to stop and think about what makes me happy.  I’ve dropped to my knees lately asking God to fill my heart and soul with contentment. 

So far, my prayers are working.  Quietly, but they are working.  If ever there was a time in my life to trust in Him, the time is now.   The last week has shown me there is more to my life than just me.  There is a merciful God working among us and filling our souls.

I don’t know what direction my life will take, but I am working to keep a smile on my face as I embrace it.


  1. Sorry to hear that things have been really tough. When bloggers stop posting I always hope that it's because they're living happily ever after like the end of a romantic comedy, but life keeps changing after the movie cliches have long run their course. Well done for keeping such a positive attitude - hopefully it will be rewarded soon.

  2. I'm sorry to hear it's been so hard for you these past few months. Turning to God is the best thing you can do. I hope it brings you some peace.

  3. I thought I left a comment on this but maybe I didn't.

    You have been missed in the blogging world. And I am really sorry this didn't work out and I hate to say this bullshit about "It's for the better" because that doesn't help with the pain but as someone who is (happily) divorced for a good long time now.....it IS for the better.

  4. It is never ever easy to deal with heartbreak. It brings you to your knees. I'm glad you're using that knocked-down time to pray. It does help. Thinking of and praying for you!

  5. I missed you these last months. I'd hoped things were going well for you. So sorry your relationship didn't get a chance to get going. It felt like you guys were a match but maybe the timing was off. Sending you a virtual hug and well done on keeping positive. You are a good person so good things will come to you.

    Bises x