September 17, 2012


No flies on me.
No pulling the wool over my eyes.
I am no sandwich short of a picnic.
The first three letters of D-I-E-T = DIE.

Suck that in for a minute.
Suck that in like I suck in my FUPA every time I see a hot guy on my daily runs on the neighborhood trail.

So, in my efforts to be more conscious of what I eat, I've turned to eating foods that are not processed, save for the occasional pita chips.

Here's my breakdown of foods that just put me over the edge.  And by edge I mean I would have rather eaten cardboard and bologna sandwiches.  The last time I ate a bologna sammie I was say, I don't know, 8?  

And why is bologna spelled with the word log in it.
Shouldn't it be balonee?

Back to the foods that aren't good for my die-t.

 Not quite a cracker.  Not quite a chip.
Not quite delicious either.
No dip can help with this nonsensical texture in your mouth.
Moving on.

Artichoke dip

Oh, what a blessing this is.  
Yummy, creamy and heavenly.
If heaven were made up of foods, this would be my go to as soon as I stumbled through the gates of St. Peter.

Save for the mayonaise, the cream, the cheese it's just not part of my daily caloric intake any more.
It goes right to my muffin top.

Speaking of muffins.
I am tired of carrying mine around.

Out with the Fupa and in with the washboard.


  1. Those chips? I can't even buy them and have them in our house. I eat the whole box in one setting defeating the purpose. YUM.

  2. LOL, I actually loved those weird Special K chips the one time I bought them! I liked them so much that I ate too many, too quickly, so I no longer allow myself to buy them. :)

  3. i avoid all processed foods - including "healthy" chips/snacks. anything in that aisle can't be healthy for you given how processed they are!

    i've been looking at making kale chips -- loaded with tons of great stuff for your body; you can use natural spices to add more flavour. i just haven't found a good enough recipe yet.

    there are plenty of healthy options for dip -- i'm going to try to make my MIL's guacamole that doesn't have anything unhealthy in it (just lemon juice, red onion, salt, pepper, chopped tomatoes). if that doesn't work out, i'll fall back on my roasted red pepper chick pea hummus.

    there are also plenty of healthy options for food - lean meats prepared with paprika, pepper, sea salt and baked in the oven, slicing up sweet potatoes and roasting them in the oven, roasting butternut squash, grilling any protein on the bbq... so many choices!

    1. Yeah, my problem is I ate the crap out of hummus for so long that I am so tired of it. And I can't eat guac as my body won't digest it. NOT FAIR! I'm not great in the kitchen either, but slowly learning. Made a great beef stew from fresh veggies yesterday that was delic!

  4. Crackers and salty snacks like that are absolutely my downfall. Specifically, Trader Joe's sesame sticks. And cheese. All kinds of it. And wine, as we've discussed, but that's a whole different ball game.

    Matt and I joke about FUPAs all the time. HA! I'm so sick of my muffin top too, and frankly, I am just not so sure I can even call it a muffin top anymore.

    Dieting SUCKS. BAD. Counting calories works for me, but it makes me miserable. UGH what a dilemma.

    1. I suck at counting calories. I do it for about 3 weeks and then I fall off the tracks. I just want to be skinny like I was in college. Damn aging and hormones and chocolate cake and mac and cheese and artichoke dip. Damn them all.

  5. This CRACKED ME UP!

    Because it's true.

    The end.

    1. I am telling you, stay away from the grodie Special K Sour Cream and Onion chips. Just go with real chips. Those things are a disaster in your mouth!

  6. Those Special K chips look gross, I think I'd rather have the calories from a bag of Kettle Chips, they are less processed, and have ingredients I can name without having to sound them out.