April 13, 2012

Recipe for self love

My friends have moved on.
They found their soul mates.
I’m still trying to decipher if I like the taste of Sol, the fish.
I don’t.
The friends who were swinging single with me the last few years.
Are now partnered off and riding into the sunset.
I envy them.
I won’t lie.
I want what they have.

I try.
I really do.
I put myself out there.
I’ve joined new organizations.
Started running with a group of folks.
I attend events and get togethers when I’d rather be in the comfort and safety of my home.
And still, I wonder if he’s out there.
And where he is.
And if it was meant to be in this lifetime.
Or ever.

I don’t sit around the house sulking.
I keep busy.
Home improvement stuff.
Keeping a clean house.
Keeping fresh flowers on the dining room table.
Ensuring my front yard looks pruned and perfected.
And it dawned on me.
If I put as much effort into the investment of myself as I do my new house, I might not fret as much.

And so I shall.
I will continue to invest in me.
In my own dreams.
In my own reality.
In my own beliefs.
And stop worrying about what other people are doing and their life stages.
It’s not a race.
It’s a journey.
And one I need to embrace.
Because in the end, all I have is me.
And that's a wonderful concept.
I enjoy me.

It’s OK that my hair doesn’t have the length I wish for.   
That’s changeable.

It’s OK my thighs aren’t tooth-pick thin. 
It’s genetics.

It’s OK my nose isn’t a pristine sniffer straight out of a Hollywood magazine cover.  
 It’s mine.  And usually theirs are airbrushed.

It’s OK if my teeth aren’t perfect.  
There's a dentist willing to file an insurance claim for me.

It’s OK if I don’t love all the clothes in my closet.  
 There will be more sales and hangers to fill soon enough.

It’s OK if I don’t have designer handbags and wallets.  
My bank account suffices.

It’s OK if the wrinkles around my forehead and eyes are becoming exaggerated with age.   
There’s a Botox needle somewhere in sight.

It’s OK.
Because this life is mine for the taking.
And I’m taking it all in.
And focusing on me.

Learning to heart me.

To thine own self be true.


  1. It's hard not to compare yourself to others. I do it, too, when I see everyone I went to high school with posting pictures of themselves pregnant with their third babies. But ultimately, you are right. And you're being proactive by putting yourself out there. Things will fall into place, I know it!

  2. I love this! I'm so in the same place as you are--watching everyone getting paired off and wondering if I'm just getting left behind. You are exactly right, all we can do is live our lives.....and they are pretty dang good!


  3. This was awesome Ryan! Just perfectly put and so raw. I feel for you, in a supportive way. But I'm wondering if maybe he's not in Texas. If you don't love Texas then what good would it be to find your husband there? Maybe there's a bigger plan outside of Texas that's waiting for you!

  4. As always I'm so touched by your honesty & your ability to put it all into words. I wish I had something brilliant to offer in terms of advice/comfort/wisdom. But I'll just say I think you are awesome & I bet many have compared themselves to you & wish they had some of what you had :)

  5. Wow. This was beautiful and I feel like its def something going on in my life too! beautifully written!