November 19, 2011

I saw them (warning: not a satirical post)

I saw them. 

Last night as I was walking out of Subway grabbing dinner to go before heading up to the hospital PICU to check on an infant patient I’ve been volunteering for through my CASA case.  Not exactly an ideal Friday night of reckless abandon and casual co-mingling I’m accustomed to. 

Let me clarify further.

I saw them.   

My future. 

It came out of nowhere and hit me in the stomach like a football being hurled down field.

I saw a family of three get out of their vehicle and march through the parking lot.  They were engaged in family-centric conversation and were not cognizant of my presence. 

The air was crisp.  The perfect turning point between late summer and fall with that twinge of excitement in the air. I had been walking back to my car with my head down when I heard the urging voice of a child speaking to his parent with ascending excitement.  I looked up to catch a glimpse and what I saw was them.  What I want my future husband to be like - leading an excited family unit and gearing up for a family-filled weekend and glad to have wrapped up a grueling work week now breathing a sigh of relief now that he’s got at least 2 days of cocoon with his wife and child before work calls again come Monday morning.  I witnessed a child full of that pre-holiday excitement.  A father making promises to his son for weekend plans and a mother smiling and absorbing the moment.

I was there watching their every move in awe of their captive unity, and I was invisible to them.  What I saw was exactly what I have always dreamed of in terms of a future family.   And how I always imagined what having a family of my own this time of year feels like.

I saw a father react to his son and it stung me.  What I witnessed was exactly that feeling I imagined watching my own husband interact with our child(ren).  When I picture my future, I see no particular faces.  No names.  Just that feeling of being at home and being loved.  My future.

One day.  One day.  No rush.  All part of God’s plan. 

What I saw excites me because I know what’s waiting for me…someday.


  1. This is so sweet and honest. I frequently feel the exact same way. I really love your certainty that all will work out in the end--I need to remind myself of that too, sometimes.

  2. LOVE this so much!! So beautiful....I'd had that feeling before, and I need to be more like you and focus on the positive of it and now being sad to it not being here yet!


  3. One of your best posts ever...I wish this all for you and more Ryan.