What do dogs sitting on top of massive pigs have to do with a degree in Social Work?

Stumped?

Don’t stop reading yet.   

This is f***ing fascinating stuff, and it’s your freaking lucky day; I’ve been assigned to decode this riddle for all the interwebs.

I too was initially put off by such a thought regarding swine and social work.

You with me here, folks?

Let’s first thank the genius behind Mark Zuckerman.  Because he invented Facebook (or was is the Winklevoss twins?), we are now exposed to the most amazeballs ads on our sidebars.  This not-so-private-your-ex-boyfriend-from-junior-high-can-stalk-you public Facebook domain allows advertisers to post ads on the right margin of the outlet.

Are you following me yet?

Cool.  

 Let my pea-sized brain decode this pig riddle some more with an analogy for ya.

If I were an Alien visiting Earth and was so inclined to log on and start a Facebook page, I would fill out my likes (green M&Ms), preferences (3-fingered amphibians), education (Mars University, MBA 1999), relationship status (single and ready to mingle), my exacerbated obsession with the TV show ALF and my continued crush on Mork.   Eventually my FB page would be populated with web ads that reflect the kinds of things I like, I need (or things marketers think I need) promoting such things as:

-     Find your match-made-in-heaven Earthling  (Earthling = homosapien residing on Earth) with a 30-DAY FREE TRIAL ON MATCH.COM.

-     Nearest space craft repair shops are (Roswell, NM). $20 OFF OIL CHANGE.

-     Is Pluto an e-ffing planet or not?  To get a degree in Nuclear Science CLICK HERE

-     Earthlings are obsessed with some over-weight, OCD cookie lovin’ obese guy in a red suit on the 25^th of December each year.  TRY OUTS FOR ELVES IN TIGHTS OCTOBER 15, 2011 AT MACY'S.

You get the gist.

This type of advertising is called Geo-Targeting for those of you interested in learning the “science” behind marketing.  Advertising is not all crayons and fancy taglines.  People run metrics for eyeball stickiness and ad click-thrus.  [Metric Calculator Dude = one of those jobs that most would rather chose Chinese water torture than having to do...I hear ya.]

OK, back to my Alien analogy (btw, did you notice the word analogy has the word a-n-a-l in it? tee hee hee haaa haaaa hardy haaaa haaaaaa squeel pee pee your panties laugh haaaaaaaa)… So these ads are specifically geo-targeted to your/our particular likes and interests.

Moving on now.

I believe Facebook has allowed the most amazing advertisers to promote content through their site.  The ads are always appropriate and “clean”.

Skip ahead to this morning.

As I was having another bout of A-D-D in the midst of doing some work for my “real” job this morning, I was lulled by the magic of Facebook and clicked on over.  To my surprise there was an ad promoting a career in Social Work.   How admirable.  These folks at Facebook must think highly of me and believe I am the type of individual who would succeed in a Social Work career.  We need more good social workers out there, FYI.

As if I wasn’t flattered enough that Mark Zuckerberg and his army of smarties over in Palo Alto, CA running the machines behind Facebook, this ad promoting a career move into Social Work came with,,,,wait for it.............. a picture.   Yup.  Lucky me was targeted by an ad with a picture.  So bril.  Score.  I mean, pictures are meant to tell 1,000 words and often times are the visual emotive part to entice consumers to “ACT NOW”.

Ladies and the one or two gentlemen who read this blog, I present you with the most effective, on-target and fulfilling ad I’ve ever received.  I almost jumped out of my chair ciphering for my resume looking to update it.  This ad almost changed my entire life because it was/is so effective.  And it’s all because of the brilliant geo-targeting via Facebook....and the use of the picture.

Along with my fantasies (or the fantasies that the gurus at FB and their advertisers think I have) about making the world a better place, helping those who oft can’t help themselves, empowering others and perhaps advocating for children, it’s pictures of animals sitting on top of other animals that strikes the mood to jump into a career of Social Work.

What the H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS?

I feel like posting something on Mark’s FB wall asking him this:

Hey Mark, if you’re so friggin’ bril, can you help a poor girl out and explain the correlation (a big word to use for a simpleton such as myself) between animal beastiality and social work is?  Just curious, ya know?  Thx a gazillion million times.  Best, AB.

P.S.  My next post might just be about Josh Groban and penguins.  Yeah, you’ll be waiting with baited breath.  Promise.