September 19, 2011

9 things you never want to hear (again)

9 things you never want to hear


I need to give props to the Glamour Magazine blog – "Single-ish".  This list of clichés gave me fodder to write down a few thoughts this morning.  Of course, I had to provide my own perspective on things.

1.  It happens when you’re not looking.
Unless I am looking for that missing sock or my garage door opener, this statement has to top the list as the worst cliché.

2.  There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I’ve tried living in a few seas.  So far, I’ve tried the Pacific coast, the Atlantic coast and the Gulf coast (nasty waters).  Is there another coast I should try in the US?  Maybe the Great Lakes?  The Mississippi River (wait, never mind…)

3.  You’re too picky.
Not exactly true.  I’ve tried to turn my head away from some quirks that bothered me about men I’ve dated in the past.  Namely ones who live in disgusting hellholes they never can clean or pick-up.  A couple of guys who believed in toking it up on Friday and Saturday nights was more exciting than a nice dinner and movie somewhere.  And, one guy said his favorite past time was sleeping…I gave him a chance…ok maybe just one chance, but that says a lot.

4.  He's out there.
Does he live in Romania or North Korea?  If so, not sure I have any interest in traveling to either one of those places.

5.  It was just bad timing.
Yeah, vomiting on myself in the 3rd grade waiting for the school bus was bad timing too.  The time I freaked out and ran off the stage in the 7th grade while giving a “VOTE FOR ME” campaign speech to the entire middle school was bad timing too.

6.  Have you tried online dating?
Does a cat have an ass?  Of course I’ve tried online dating.  To be honest, it’s why I still have this blog. 

7.  When the time is right, you will meet someone.
Let’s hurry this up.  90 is a nice ripe age, but I’d like the timing to be a little sooner so I don’t have to carry my oxygen tank with me on date night to the nursing home cafeteria.

8.  Your turn next [at weddings].
This one truly gets under my skin.  I used to ALWAYS go on the dance floor during the bouquet toss.  Caught the toss a number of times too.  Now I hide in the bathroom when its time to line up and show our singledom on the dance floor at receptions.

9.  It will happen when you least expect it.
See #1.


  1. So, so true. I've heard 1 & 9 enough times that I want to smack the next person that says it to me. My mom also recently told me, "I think I'm ready for you to have a boyfriend again." Um, congrats?

  2. #1 is one of the most frustrating comments EVER, and lord knows I've heard it a hundred thousand times. After my most recent disappointment, I don't even know if I care about "finding him" anymore . . . might just have to stick to my job, my girlfriends, and my wine. ;)

  3. In this last go-around of online dating sites, today I just canceled my subscription to (again). The caliber of men was scary. I'm back to trying to date men the traditional way (offline).

  4. Yeah, that would be irritating to hear. :/

  5. Yeah, any of these are easy to say when the person saying them has a husband. Not. Bitter. At all.

  6. Amen sista. I am SO tired of people saying these over and over again. And it's totally worse when they're smug marrieds.

  7. What's wrong with Romania?