August 8, 2011

The Second and Third Seem to be My Limit

Maybe I’m not cut out for a long-term committed relationship after all.
Maybe what I thought I wanted turns out to be what I don’t need.
The universe may be trying to tell me something. 
Maybe I’m just bad at dating.

With my recent barrage of dates consisting of Match suitors, I can’t seem to get past a 2nd or 3rd date.  Often times, by my own accord.  Sometimes it is mutual.  Sometimes he just isn’t that in to me.  I’ve been around the block enough times to realize that dating is a serious part-time job full of uncomfortable first interviews, occasional uncomfortable silence and plain torture not far from water boarding it seems.

I’ve dated:
-        An attorney ($28 Worth).  He wasn’t in to me. 2 dates.
-        An entrepreneur.  I wasn’t that into him.  3 dates.
-        A 7th grade history teacher.  I wasn’t that into him.  3 dates.
-        A salesman.  Epic failure.  I don’t do well with sales people it appears.

There are always the bizarro emails I get from potentials that just skeeze me out.  Of course, being a sarcastic cyber biznatch, I always have to respond for a bout of chain-yanking.  As I type this, I realize that karma may in fact be a biznatch in and of itself, and my chain yanking (for a once upon a day of collective, published dating stories) is keeping me single.  Because, after all, what goes around most likely comes around.

But come on, how can I not respond to these jack-arse morons?

Exhibit A (chain of correspondence stemming from his initiation.  No picture and status says he lives in El Paso.  My profile states NO LONG DISTANCE.

Creepy Sleezeball:  Hello your hot and I have a crush on u.

American Bridget:  How can you have a crush on me? You don't even know me.  Did you read anything in my profile?  Horrid use of grammar is noted on this end.  Furthermore, why is there no picture posted?

CSB: are you saying that once i get to know you i won't have a crush? of course i don't know you. let me have my crush in peace. honestly i read most of your profile, it's awfully long and i am at work you know.i just got on match today. no pic yet wouold you like me to send you one? maybe you'll get a crush?

AB:  I will let you have your crush in peace. Still no pics?

CSB: all i have with me is my laptop and cell not alot if any pics. Did i mention that i am good looking? What's your name?

CSB (next day): hello there cutie, how's your day coming along? remember me? so are you gonna let me take you out?

AB (not serious) You can take me out when you send me a picture and catch a flight to Dallas. I don't do long distance. Did you read anything in my profile, yet?

CSB: hello, I've read most of it. I'm in Dallas, been in Dallas and looks like i may be staying for awhile. where would you like me to send a pic? or you can just take my word for it and believe me when i say that i'm not that bad looking. borderline good looking, looks aren't everything you know. what's your name?

AB: You've had 3 days to read my profile. It's not a novel and would take maybe a full 4 minutes to read top to bottom. If you still haven't read about me, then I am not interested.

Sorry dude.

CSB: are you in a bad mood this morning? of course i read your pprofile, i was kidding. but in all honesty, a profile that you wrote about yourself is just what you want me to think about you. I can make myself sound fabulous too you know. so are you in a bad mood? be nice it's friday

CSB (next day): are we still friends?

AB:  Not at all.


  1. I actually just spit water out onto my keyboard. Thanks for that.

    Not at all.


  2. Whoa. What a creep.
    Don't give up! Maybe try a matchmaker service? I dunno

  3. Oh god, dude, take a fucking hike. Jesus. I lose my patience so easily with people like that.
    Dating sucks.

  4. Sounds like a keeper to me;)

    And bad grammar can drive me insane, especially with first impressions!

  5. I <3 you. Seriously.