July 14, 2011

$28 Worth: Date Part Deux

Monday, July 11, 2011

7:28 pm
I had been chatting with the wine bar owner about the daily specials whilst searching for anything cold that would quench my palate as much as a glass of vino can do.  Recall, my AC in my house wallet raper had been incompetent the prior 5 days and the inside walls were registering 96 degrees.  Yeah I said,  inside.  I know what you're thinking . . . .Great diet though.  Sweating off the pounds just sitting around.  Yup.

7:30 pm
He promptly walked into the wine bar.
That’s commendable. 
Most people in Texas don’t know how to tell time.
We're just slower here.  And by we, I don't mean me.
Out of the corner of my eye he appeared with a smirk.

Oh Gawd, was he smirking because he believed I looked nothing like my pictures and he wanted to run?  Was it the mosquito bite on dead smack in the middle of my forehead that looked like a teenager’s worst blemish nightmare?

“Hi Ryan.  Wow. You look better in person than your pictures, so great to finally meet you.”


We order wine.  Around comes another round or three of the nectar of the Gods.  And then comes the cheese board.  At this point in I’m three glasses in and not ashamed of shoving food down my sometimes never-fulfilling gauntlet.  I needed to maintain a level of sobriety at some point during the night so I could get my saucy ass back to the house wallet raper (and then most likely hug the porcelain throne). 

11:30 pm
He politely pays for the bevs and apps and we walk toward the parking lot to our respective vehicles.  There are only three cars in the parking lot, one of which is mine.  It’s dark out so my depth perception and noticeable vino buzz makes distinguishing cars challenging.  I point out my car, and he walks me to it.  We chat for a few minutes before I ask him where his car is parked.  He points to a white looking pseudo SUV thingy a few spots over.  Really, it just looked like some ambiguous run-of-the-mill-everyone-has-one-cross-over.

“Oh, nice.  You drive a Subaru.  I’ve heard those are great cars and, in fact, I hear they maintain well for years and years… (insert more indistinguishable rambling here).”

He gives me a blank stare followed by a half smirk and then a deep breath.  Oh shit, I rambled too much about cars of which I know absolutely nothing about because I have about as much interest in listening to Click and Clack Car Talk on Sunday morning radio as I do watching paint dry.  I just insulted him.  He clearly had taken my comments to heart and I broke his ego halo.  Oh, gawd, why do I open my retarded mouth?

“Ryan, that’s not a Subaru.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.  I mean, I like Subarus.  I think we had one when I was a kid.  No wait, I think that was a Datsun station wagon.  Yeah, that was it.  It was chocolate brown with pungent vinyl seats.  I always remembered that car’s smell would overwhelm me.  Are Subaru and Datsun they related?  Wait no.  Datsun isn’t even manufactured any more is it?  Never mind.  So what is it?”

“A Cayene.”

“Cayene? What’s that? Is it new?   Never heard of that.  Who makes that?”




  1. Hahahaha love it!! Go out with him again!!!

  2. Blame it on the wine. And the darkness. And they kind of look like Subarus if it's dark and you've been drinking. Did you ask him if he knew that the year the Cayenne came out, it also led the market in most recalls?

    But yes, go out with this one again.


  4. LOL!
    And then??? AND THEEEN?

  5. Too funny. He will definitely remember you!!

  6. AnonymousJuly 14, 2011

    Okay that was the best thing I have read all day! And I'm with everyone else....what happened next?!

  7. Woohoo! Sounds like a fun date :)

    And I know about the mosquito bite - I have a date tomorrow night, and a huge bite on my neck!

    And ditto on Sarah's comment - did you kiss!?!

  8. AnonymousJuly 15, 2011

    OMG -- you are such a tease! Please continue IMMEDIATELY.

    Also, I have a lunch date next week. Excited, though slightly concerned that I can't respectively drink wine. ; )

  9. New follower here and I absolutely love your blog, and especially this post. Too funny!

  10. AnonymousJuly 15, 2011

    Oh my gosh....hilarious! Porche...subaru....whatev!


  11. Argh, not enough details for us nosy readers :) Did he look like his pictures? Was he as witty in person? And since then...any contact?