November 5, 2010

Call for auditions

I am hosting a casting call.

I'm in the ad biz so I've been through this before.

Here's what I am looking for:
  • 30-39 YO male.  (And not a tranny either.)
  • Preferably with absolutely no baggage, ex-baby momma.
  • Must not live with parental units.
  • Must have a full-time job.
  • College education required
  • Must be able to walk a mile without passing out (read - please be somewhat active/in-shape)
  • Must have no past run-ins with the law, jail time, etc.
  • English as a first language is preferred, but a nice sexy accent isn't bad either.
  • Understands that I like to shop.
  • Must keep a clean (okay at least picked up) house.  No hoarders will be accepted.
  • Cooking skills optional.
  • Ideal if smitten with canines.
  • Please no cats.
  • Interpretation of a uniform should not be a pair of Dickies overalls or hunting gear.
  • No wall flowers or shy ones.
  • Totally sick of sales guys!  Please no one that schmoozes clients all day.  I can smell your BS from 10 miles away.
  • Ability to be random and spontaneous desired.
  • If you use pick-up lines at bars, go away.
Am I asking too much?  I'm not pin-pointing the Harvard, prepster, Beamer-driving guy in Dallas.  I just want a normal, down-to-earth, decent male human being.

Good golly.


  1. I was just discussing non-negotiables with coworkers today at lunch. My list gets shorter each and every year. ; )

  2. i think it's a reasonable casting call. he'll swoop right in when you least least expect it. you might fight it, he might not match your list to a T, but there he'll be (so don't fight it too much). First thing's first: he has to be good to you (open, honest, not selfish, patient)!!!! :)

  3. I AM DYING LAUGHING OVER HERE. You are too much...and yet I SO AGREE! :)

  4. So how IS the casting call going?