Call for auditions

I am hosting a casting call.

I'm in the ad biz so I've been through this before.

Here's what I am looking for:

• 30-39 YO male.  (And not a tranny either.)
• Preferably with absolutely no baggage, ex-baby momma.
• Must not live with parental units.
• Must have a full-time job.
• College education required
• Must be able to walk a mile without passing out (read - please be somewhat active/in-shape)
• Must have no past run-ins with the law, jail time, etc.
• English as a first language is preferred, but a nice sexy accent isn't bad either.
• Understands that I like to shop.
• Must keep a clean (okay at least picked up) house.  No hoarders will be accepted.
• Cooking skills optional.
• Ideal if smitten with canines.
• Please no cats.
• Interpretation of a uniform should not be a pair of Dickies overalls or hunting gear.
• No wall flowers or shy ones.
• Totally sick of sales guys!  Please no one that schmoozes clients all day.  I can smell your BS from 10 miles away.
• Ability to be random and spontaneous desired.
• Must MAKE ME LAUGH.
• If you use pick-up lines at bars, go away.

Am I asking too much?  I'm not pin-pointing the Harvard, prepster, Beamer-driving guy in Dallas.  I just want a normal, down-to-earth, decent male human being.

Good golly.