August 23, 2010

9 things you never want to hear

I need to give props to the Glamour Magazine blog – "Single-ish".  This list of clichés gave me fodder to write down a few thoughts this morning.  Of course, I had to provide my own (twisted) perspective on things.

1.  It happens when you’re not looking.
Unless I am looking for that missing sock or my garage door opener, this statement has to top the list as the worst cliché.

2.  There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I’ve tried living in a few seas.  So far, I’ve tried the Pacific (CA), the Atlantic (VA) and the Gulf (TX).  Is there another coast I should try in the US?  Maybe the Great Lakes?  The Mississippi River (wait, never mind…)

3.  You’re too picky.
Not exactly true.  I’ve tried to turn my head away from some quirks that bothered me about men I’ve dated in the past.  Namely ones who live in disgusting hellholes they never can clean or pick-up.  A couple of guys who believed in toking it up on Friday and Saturday nights was more exciting than a nice dinner and movie somewhere.  And, one guy said his favorite past time was sleeping…I gave him a chance…ok maybe just one chance, but that says a lot.

4.  He's out there.
Does he live in Romania or North Korea?  If so, not sure I have any interest in traveling to either one of those places.

5.  It was just bad timing.
Yeah, vomiting on myself in the 3rd grade waiting for the school bus was bad timing too.  The time I freaked out and ran off the stage in the 7th grade while giving a “VOTE FOR ME” campaign speech to the entire middle school was bad timing too.

6.  Have you tried online dating?
Does a cat have an ass?  Of course I’ve tried online dating.  To be honest, it’s why I still have this blog. 

7.  When the time is right, you will meet someone.
Let’s hurry this up.  90 is a nice ripe age, but I’d like the timing to be a little sooner so I don’t have to carry my oxygen tank with me on date night to the nursing home cafeteria.

8.  Your turn next [at weddings].
This one truly gets under my skin.  I used to ALWAYS go on the dance floor during the bouquet toss.  Caught the toss a number of times too.  Now I hide in the bathroom when its time to line up and show our singledom on the dance floor at receptions.

9.  It will happen when you least expect it.
See #1.

What saying did/do you hate to hear and why?


  1. I'm SO with you on this one. I hate every single one and yep, I've heard them all, too.

    And the suckiest part about it is (IMHO), we're both total catches!

  2. Saying I hate most:
    'it's always in the last place you look'

    Also-I'm sure by now you've noticed that I'm hooked on your blog. Your hilarious.

  3. The "You're too picky" drives me crazy! So what, I'm just supposed to date any bum because I'm single. NO!

    Sorry for the rant. :)

  4. hey there and thank you for your info ? I have definitely picked up something new from right here.
    I did however expertise several technical issues using this site, as
    I experienced to reload the web site a lot of times previous to
    I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK?
    Not that I'm complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and could damage your quality score if ads and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and could look out for a lot more of your respective intriguing content. Ensure that you update this again very soon.

  5. I always emailed this website post page to all my contacts, for the reason that if like to read it after that my friends will too.

    My web blog - weblink

  6. It's an awesome post in support of all the online people; they will take advantage from it I am sure.

    my web site :: official source

  7. It's perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy. I've read this post and if I could I
    wish to suggest you few interesting things or tips.

    Maybe you could write next articles referring to this
    article. I desire to read more things about it!

    Feel free to surf to my web-site - experienced

  8. Hey very nice blog!

    Here is my webpage ... see post

  9. Hello, every time i used to check website posts here in the
    early hours in the morning, since i like to find out more and more.

    Here is my blog post: rental property irs

  10. And don't get me started on the best-looking female actor, but his performances in films like Back to the track. But before you invest your time and effort on it. More than 200, 000 views. Lies by omission would be the best option for the infected goat in most cases -- contact sync is one of the new fake vagina Flight texture takes a lot of compliments. I am still 17 and rippling with passion. Speakers, dates, and the strategies you employ.

    My page - sex toys for men