I am not alone in my low opinions of meeting people online. It’s a beating. A self-confidence blow. A game of second-guessing. A trial in self-doubt. A seesaw of comparisons. Especially here in
Dallas where the girls are skinny, tall, and gorgeous and have the perfect
manicured nails. It’s the hotbed of hot
chicks.
Apparently, I am into rewarding
myself with repetitious, glutton-esque antics.
I signed back up for Match.com last week.
Just one month.
And so it goes. . . .
One week into this little aimless game, I’ve had four
potential suitors seem interested in me who have actually taken the initiative
to contact me based on my personalized and self-proclaimed merits and
interests. Oh, and my profile pictures
as well.
Suitor 1: The Emailer
·
Sounds good on paper (or electronic
correspondence as we are so inclined to hide behind these days).
·
Meets my pre-qualifying criteria.
·
He’s no Tom the Toothless Bear Hunter from
Montana. Points there.
·
Couple of years my junior with one child.
·
Divorced and claims to be drama free.
·
Emails and texting abundant.
·
My curiosity is piqued.
So why hasn’t he called yet?
He’s got my digits and has said twice he would call after his daughter
goes to bed. Tuesday night the phone
never rang. Wednesday night, my phone
was, again, silent. I kept checking to
ensure I didn’t have the ringer on mute, that the old handy iPhone hadn’t crapped
out on me, that the power was on, that I hadn’t missed a call. So I waited…and I’m still waiting on that
phone call or two he promised me.
He was the first suitor to reach out to me and I was engaged
and eager to communicate. Problem is, I
am not sure I want to exchange in a fingers-only relationship with my computer
screen and a keyboard.
Suitor 2: A Dog’s Man
·
Also sounds good on paper and meets
prequalifying needs.
·
Loves labs and has two. Points.
·
Two short emails exchanged before he asked me
out for a drink.
·
We met at a local pub last night.
Overall, nice guy attractive guy who appears to have a brain
and a good head on his shoulders. My
curiosity flared after talking with him as I wondered why this seemingly good
catch had never settled down with the old ball and chain. Answer:
totally into himself. He
never once asked me about me, my life, my growing up, my aspirations, my
hobbies, etc. Could he have captured all
the information he cared to intake from my profile write-up? He talked incessantly about his life, work,
goals, and history and never once reciprocated to inquire about yours truly.
Hmphhhhh.
Suitor 3: Miami Beach Beau
·
Again, good on paper and meets prequal
desires.
·
Lives in the burbs.
·
Heavy e-mailer.
·
Has yet to ask me for my digits.
This one is charming, but not to the point where I think it
will go anywhere. He’s into emailing me
a few times a day, but won’t drop the offer to call me or meet me out
somewhere. He just keeps talking about
his bi-weekly jaunts to Miami during the summer months. My guess is he should look up dating someone
in Southern Florida and not Dallas, TX.
Moving on.
Suitor 4: $28 Worth
This one is interesting.
I came across his profile in my Daily 5 (some bullshit algorithm that
Match does which basically is a crapshoot of matching people together and
really doesn’t go into aligning people with like interests. That’s the crux of
marketing).
This one received a note in his email stating that
“AmericanBridget from Match.com was interested in him.” He’d let his subscription lapse and had put
Match out of his mind for a while until the email notifying him prompted him to
check out my profile. But not before
paying another $28 to reactivate his account.
Now I know why the guys I’ve nudged in the past never
returned an email or a wink. They’re
accounts had lapsed and they were no longer subscribing members. Right, I will keep telling myself that.
Needless, $28 Worth was intrigued by my profile and emailed
me back with witty sarcasm and humor. So
far so good. He’s admittedly not all
about emailing and would rather split a bottle of wine and get to know each
other while discussing whether John Boehner is naturally orange or if my real
name is really Ryan.
I’m not holding my breath, but out of the 4, $28 seems like
a bargain.
